How To Write Better Ads: LIVE Copywriting Critique

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In this video, I’m going to critique copy from this Facebook Ad – which is selling a $35 sleep mask…

Along with 5 other variations of it — submitted by real writers from the Posse community. 

And… just for fun… I asked ChatGPT to re-write this copy…

And I’ve got some things to say about that too. 

Come along with me as I break down what makes this copy great, what left me wanting more, and what would make it even more powerful.

Hey, Posse! What’s up? It’s Alex. 

If you’re following me on Instagram, @copyposse, then you’ve probably seen my regular “Make It Hotter” posts…

Where I find an ad, headline, or subject line – and put it out to the community to… you guessed it – “Make It Hotter”!

Not only is this one of my FAVORITE ways to practice, but it’s also a great way to see how other copywriters think…

Which ultimately helps you better understand WHY certain things work and WHY certain things don’t… 

And, the BEST part of this exercise for me is when I get to put on my Posse Prof spectacles and critique the top-voted submissions.

So in today’s blog, I’m going to take you through one of my latest editions of “Make It Hotter” and break down my critiques of each Ad – point by point. 

So let’s get started.

First, let’s take a look at this post – where I asked the Posse community to make this ad even hotter.

This was an ad for a $35 Manta Sleep mask – a sleep mask that guarantees 100% darkness.⁠

Now here’s their original ad copy…  ⁠

Looking for the perfect gift this holiday season? We’ve got you covered!⁠

The sleep masks that have helped over 500,000 people improve the quality of their sleep.⁠

😴 Experience true 100% blackout⁠

👀 Zero eye pressure⁠

💤 Side-sleep comfort⁠

🎧 Fall Asleep Faster⁠

💫 Wake up feeling well-rested⁠

Unlock Unmatched Sleep Quality 🎁⁠

Shop now⁠.

Alright, alright… 

So let’s critique this copy. 

What worked? What was lacking? And what could be better?

Overall, this Ad is good. 

But let’s see what the Posse thinks…

First, here’s a quick recap of my 3-step formula for writing a H.O.T. ad or headline

And don’t worry about taking notes on this formula, because I have a free guide that will break each one of these steps down for you. 

How to Write a Headline

Now, a hot ad or headline should…

  1. Hook Attention – start with a concept or idea that grabs the reader’s attention by provoking an emotion (fear, joy, controversy, FOMO, nostalgia, etc.) OR promising a desired result or clear USP (unique selling proposition). 
  1. Open A Loop – pique curiosity & incentivize your audience to read further.
  1. Target Your Audience – Make it crystal clear exactly who you are speaking to and how you can help them.

Alright, so now let’s take a look at the Posse’s submissions – along with my critique of them.

These 5 ads were selected for critique because they received the most amount of “likes” or “votes” from the community.

Let’s take a look….

1-Gift yourself blissful sleep this holiday! You’re gonna fall in love with this must-have sleep mask that’s helped over 500,000 people achieve their best sleep ever!

2-Looking for a gift to give a friend who had a ton of sleepless nights this year? Give them the rest they truly deserve this holiday with a blackout sleep mask! Experience 100% blackout without curtains. Zero eye pressure for a comfortable night’s sleep. Helps you asleep faster. Wake up feeling well-rested. Give the gift of a good sleep.

3-Over 500,000 people have improved the quality of their sleep using the sleep mask, in this holiday season of love what more can be perfect than a sleep mask that provides 100% true blackout, zero eye pressure, side-sleeping comfort, falling asleep faster, and waking up feeling well-rested. Express your love in actions. Shop now!

4-Looking for a total blackout without the hangover? Introducing Manta Sleep. Designed for deep sleep: So you wake up feeling fully refreshed and energized every morning. Zero eye pressure: Start your day with a radiant look. Specialized cooling fabric: So you stay cool and comfortable. Go for blackout.

5-When was the last time you woke up feeling well rested? Or are you the type that always have trouble falling asleep? Discover Mantasleep sleep mask, a true 100% blackout experience with zero eye pressure. So comfy you fall asleep fast and most importantly you wake up feeling well-rested. Unlock a sleeping quality that rivals a bear hibernating deep inside a dark cave. Shop now.

Everyone did such a great job on this exercise.

Now let’s take a look at what ChatGPT had to say about this mask haha…

Okay, so I copied this Ad into ChatGPT…

Gave it a bit of additional context on what the ad is about and some benefits I grabbed off the website…

Then I asked it to rewrite the ad – including a strong hook, open loop, and calling out the audience. 

Here’s what it gave me:

Struggling to sleep soundly? Discover the ultimate gift of serene slumber this holiday season. Join the 3900+ satisfied customers who’ve experienced unrivaled sleep quality with our innovative sleep mask. 

Embrace the magic of 100% darkness for a deeper, dreamier sleep.

Gentle on your eyes, zero pressure or discomfort. Sleep peacefully on your side, in total comfort. Drift into dreamland faster than ever. 
Wake up refreshed and revitalized. 
Don’t miss out on the secret to unparalleled sleep quality.

Shop now and awaken your best self!

Alright – so overall not too bad. 

I actually really like the power words they’ve used “serene slumber”, “innovative sleep mask”…

And I think the first sentence is a great hook. 

 Maybe trying a little TOO hard to be descriptive and using too many unnecessary words… so I would recommend tightening up those bullet points. 

And I’m not a big fan of the ending CTA “awaken your best self” – because it’s not clear that this is about sleep. So I’d swap that with something else. 

But overall, not too bad of an ad. One of the better ones I’ve seen from ChatGPT!

But remember, while ChatGPT is a great tool to generate copy quickly, you need to be a COPYWRITER to really understand what makes this ad work and what should be updated.

So use it as a tool to streamline your work, but never forget to think like a marketer, ok Posse?

If you want to play along in the next edition of “Make It Hotter” – be sure to follow me on Instagram at @CopyPosse.

If you liked this blog and want to see more in-depth critiques like it in the future – make sure to subscribe to my newsletter to learn when my next tutorial goes LIVE. 

And don’t forget to grab a copy of my FREE H.O.T. Headline Guide – so you can learn exactly how to write headlines that grab attention and stop scrollers in their tracks – you can grab that now.

I’ll see you next week with a brand-new tutorial. Until then, I’m Alex. Ciao for now!

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