Here’s a real ad for Vessie shoes. At first glance, it looks decent, right? But this ad is missing ONE thing that’s quietly killing its conversions. Can you spot it?
Don’t worry if you can’t because I’m about to break it down for you.
In today’s post, we’re not just looking at this ad copy. I’m also going to critique 6 alternate versions written by the Posse community.
You’ll see exactly what works, what doesn’t, and how to make ANY ad hotter with just a few words. If you’ve ever written an ad, headline, or subject line and thought: ‘Why isn’t this working?’ Stick around.
By the end of this post, you’ll know how to write copy that hooks attention, opens curiosity loops, and gets the RIGHT people to click.
And if you’re new around here, this is one of my favorite copywriting exercises and content series. It’s called ‘Make It Hotter’ where I share real ads with my audience on Instagram, LinkedIn, and right here on YouTube and ask them to rewrite it and make it even BETTER. Then I ask YOU guys to vote for your faves.
In this post, I’ll show you the top-voted submissions, and of course, give you my brutally honest critique too. Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.
Alright, let’s start with the original Vessie ad. Here’s what it says:
‘The new Market Flat is here. A waterproof silhouette perfect for those going from desk to drinks. Available in three colors and now in half sizes. Shop Now.’
Does it work? Well, let’s break it down.
All great ads should do three things:
- Hook attention.
- Open a curiosity loop.
- Make it crystal clear WHO it’s for.
So, did they nail it? The first line says: ‘The new Market Flat is here.’
Alright, so here they are using what I call a “Novelty Hook.” It’s a classic, and you see this kind of hook used a lot in e-commerce ads like this. When something is new or never seen before, it makes us curious, and lean in.
But honestly? When I read this, I was like, “Huh? Why should I care?” New doesn’t necessarily equal excitement.
This falls FLAT for me. Pun intended.
What is a “Market Flat” – is it the name of the shoe? A shoe you wear to the market? A show that’s NEW to the market. See where I’m going with this?
Then we get: ‘A waterproof silhouette perfect for those going from desk to drinks.’ Ok, so NOT a show we wear to the market. Got it lol.
But this is where the ad gets stronger with features and bennies (that’s benefits if you’re new here). Waterproof = functional.
Desk to drinks = probably means this shoe is comfortable AND stylish, right?
Not bad, but here’s the problem.
They bury the strongest part of the ad in the middle. I’m not even reading this far because the hook is confusing.
And finally they end with: ‘Available in three colors and now in half sizes.’
Okay, cool. Options are great, half sizes are unique. But are these features what will get me to CLICK. Probably not.
So overall, this ad is ok, but it’s really safe. Kinda like wearing beige shoes out for drinks lol. So, now for the best part, let’s take a look at what the Posse came up with.
And take note of which one you like best because I’ll ask you to vote in the comments later.
First up:
Posse Submission #1
Okay. ‘Change your dress, not your flats.’ It’s a cute idea, but I think this misses the whole point.
The benefit of not having to change your shoes is that you don’t have to pack anything, you don’t have to awkwardly change in a bathroom, you don’t have to swing home.
So changing your whole outfit instead of just your shoes? Nobody wants to do that lol.
So while I understand what this person is trying to do. It’s not working for me.
Next line: ‘Effortlessly hop from desk to bar in our waterproof chic flats.’ Boom. That’s it.
They are speaking to the type of person who would be interested in this shoe and inserting a big benefit. Honestly, this should be what they start the ad with.
And then the close: ‘Available in three elegant colors and now in half sizes.’
Okay, this is okay. I’m not sure how I feel about the use of the word “elegant” right after they use the word “chic”.
While you certainly can be elegant AND chic, the way they word it here feels a bit redundant. Eliminate one or the other.
Alright, let’s take a look at the next Posse submission.
Posse Submission #2
Alright, so they’re opening with ‘Style shouldn’t stop for the rain.’
That’s super strong. It’s visual, it’s relatable. As someone who lives in a rainy city I feel this. I can instantly picture myself in soggy shoes or ugly rain shoes.
And that’s exactly the type of imagery that would work well for this copy. Then: ‘Step into modern elegance from desk to drinks.’
I like it. Desk to drinks is a good lifestyle image – and again, here we are speaking to the identity of the customer avatar.
And I love how they are trying to use descriptive language, but ‘modern elegance’ feels out of place a bit to me here.
I highly doubt the type of woman who runs to work in the rain and doesn’t want to bother with changing her shoes before she grabs drinks with her friends is going to relate to “modern elegance”.
I’d swap it with something that feels more in line with the themes of comfort, style, and convenience.
Alright, they close with ‘Now available in half sizes and three timeless shades.’
Again good info, not exactly drool-worthy or anything, but nice to include those details. ‘Timeless shades’ is a nice touch.
Alright, our next Posse submission:
Posse Submission #3
Alright, first line: ‘Style them anywhere — from desk to date nights.’ Love this. Desk to date nights feels a little spicier than desk to drinks and I can visualize it better, making it a stronger hook.
Then: ‘The new Market Flat is now waterproof, making you unstoppable.’
‘Unstoppable’. I like the energy. It adds a bit of personality that the original brand copy didn’t have.
But then they tack on: ‘Available in three colors. Shop now and cruise in comfort.’
Honestly? Meh. Here is where the copy fizzles out for me.
We need to get rid of that cheesy ‘cruise in style’ line and rework this last sentence a bit.
And PLEASE no all caps in your ad copy unless you want people to think you’re screaming at them.
Great job so far, Posse, are you guys loving this? Comment below and let me know if you want more critique posts like this!
Posse Submission #4
Okay, so this one’s giving me AI vibes.
‘Empower your every move, unstoppable, wherever life takes you.’
It’s bold and definitely gives motivational vibes.
But here’s the problem. It doesn’t really feel like it FITS this brand. You know what I mean? And it definitely doesn’t seem like the type of language this customer avatar would relate to.
She’s not looking for a gym shoe. She’s looking for a stylish, comfortable work shoe that can work for a night out with girls too.
So it very much IS about style. That’s part of what makes this shoe unique – so we don’t want to downplay it in the copy.
Overall, I actually do think this copy is strong, just not for this particular shoe or this particular customer avatar.
I do like the “fits you perfectly” ending as that communicates a strong benefit vs just mentioning the half sizes, which is a feature.
Alright, next up:
Posse Submission #5
‘From morning meetings to midnight plans.’ Love it. That paints a picture of the type of person this shoe is for.
A city girl – slaying it all day and hanging with the girls all night. Like, I immediately think of Sex in the City.
Then: ‘Built for real life. Sleek, all-day comfort, ready for whatever’s next.’
This is punchy. I do like it – but I’m not sure about that “ready for whatever’s next” line.
Like, what’s next? We just go from the office to the bar – we aren’t out on grand adventures, scaling mountains. I don’t know, that just feels a little out of place to me but I’m being nitpicky because it’s a strong ad.
I might say something about style here like, you’ll be stylish for every on-the-go moment or something like that.
Then they go on to say.
‘No more awkward outfit changes.’ Okay, that’s good. This is more aligned with the type of message we want to communicate. We have ALL had awkward outfit changes.
That’s a pain point solved in one short sentence. And they close with: Now available in three colors and half sizes for your perfect fit.
Again, I like this better than mentioning half sizes because “half sizes” is a feature and “perfect fit” is a benefit.
Overall, this one feels the most polished so far.
But we have one more left, and SPOILER, this one is my favorite.
Posse Submission #6
Okay, this one made me laugh. ‘Don’t worry if some of it ends up on your shoe’
That’s visual. It’s playful. It has personality. It tells a story! So good.
And I immediately think about what kind of photo or imagery they could use with this copy.
A woman dressed in office garb, sitting at the bar, a drink knocked over and dumping all over her shoe.
Maybe she doesn’t even notice because she’s flirting with some cute guy or chatting with her girlfriends.
The image alone would be scroll-stopping. And paired with that copy. *chefs kiss*
But that ‘ready for another day at work shoe.’ bit at the end? Ugh, it’s kind of boring, even monotonous for me. Thinking of “yet another day of work” totally kills the genius of the first sentence.
I’d honestly get rid of that sentence altogether.
You could keep some of the elements of the original ad copy and this is a clear winner. It stops the scroll with a strong story hook, creates curiosity and communicates a benefit.
Alright, Posse – that’s it for this round of Make It Hotter! Huge thanks to everyone who submitted. You guys crushed it.
Now here’s the deal: if you want your copy to grab attention faster, convert better, and make people stop scrolling, you need a strong hook!
And lucky for you, I have 99 you can swipe!
You can grab your free copy of my 99 Hot Hooks Swipe File here.
If you liked this post, give it a thumbs up, subscribe to my newsletter, so you don’t miss the next critique.
Until next time, I’m Alex. Ciao for now!
