What does it take to write an ad, headline, or subject line that’s impossible to ignore?
Come along with me as I take you through one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever…
I’m going to let you look over my shoulder as I critique this copy from Asana….
And 6 other variations of it – submitted by the Posse community.
What made them great, what left me wanting more, and what would make them even more powerful?
Hey, Posse! What’s up? It’s Alex.
If you’re following me on Instagram, LinkedIn, or on YouTube…
Then you’ve probably seen my regular “Make It Hotter” posts…
Where I find an ad, headline, or subject line – and put it out to the community to… you guessed it – “Make It Hotter”!
Not only is this one of my FAVORITE ways to practice, but it’s also a great way to see how other copywriters think.
Which ultimately helps you better understand WHY certain things work and WHY certain things don’t…
And, the BEST part of this exercise for me is when I get to put on my Posse Prof spectacles and critique the top-voted submissions.
So in today’s blog, I’m going to take you through one of my latest editions of “Make It Hotter” and break down my critiques of each Ad. Point by point.
So let’s get started.
First, let’s take a look at this post – where I asked the Posse community to make this ad even hotter.
This was an ad for Asana – a tool that helps individuals, teams and organizations track their projects, to-do lists and workspaces.
Now here’s their original ad copy…
Not bad, but I gotta admit I liked these Posse-fied versions WAY better.
But before I get to my critique of the submissions, first let’s critique Asana’s original copy…
What worked? What was lacking? And what could be better?
Now, the first thing I notice is how short this copy is.
The entire body of this ad is JUST the hook.
Short copy can work extremely well – especially when the ad is being directed towards a more aware audience.
For a totally unaware audience, short copy like this isn’t going to work very well.
An unaware audience needs more education and trust building as they get to know who you are and what you’re all about.
So let’s just assume that this ad was written for a warm-to-hot audience who already knows what Asana is and what it generally helps with.
But even though this audience is HOT…
This copy is still veryyyyy short.
Which again, isn’t bad. But it does make your job as a copywriter HARDER.
Because you have to pack a super powerful punch in a very limited number of words.
Which means every single word NEEDS TO COUNT.
So let’s take a look at the hook: “Just because you’ve written down your to-do list doesn’t mean it’s useful.”
This is what I call the “Confirming Beliefs” hook.
What they’re doing is giving the audience a sense of validation about something they are likely struggling with…
Which in this case – is writing down a to-do list that isn’t actually helping them accomplish anything… right?
So when the person who struggles with this thing reads this copy, they’re going to feel validated. They’ll think “Aha! I knew it! I knew to-do lists were dumb and a waste of time.”
So I actually think this is a great hook. But I DON’T love that they ended it there.
I would have added just one more sentence that piques the interest of the reader and opens a loop to make them read more.
Something like: “Here’s what to do instead…” or “Click below if you’re ready to change that…”
Just a couple more words could make this ad more compelling and potentially get more scrollers to come down here to read the ad Headline and CTA.
“15 secrets for making a to-do list that actually works”.
With the CTA of “Learn More”.
I think this is pretty good. It clearly conveys what the reader will learn if they click the link.
However, I think they could have made this even stronger by incorporating some power words or communicating the END GOAL this audience is likely looking for.
For example, “15 secrets to help you dominate your to-do list.”
Dominate is a great power word and this communicates a stronger benefit than just “a to-do list that actually works” or maybe “15 secrets to boost your productivity.”
Again, this is communicating the MAIN GOAL this audience is likely looking for – which is a solution to help them be more productive.
Overall, this Ad is good. But let’s see what the Posse thinks…
First, here’s a quick recap of my 3-step formula for writing a H.O.T. Headline!
And don’t worry about taking notes on this formula, because I have a free guide waiting for you at the end of this blog that will break each one of these steps down for you.
Now, a hot headline should:
- Hook Attention – Start with a concept or idea that grabs the reader’s attention by either provoking an emotion (fear, joy, controversy, FOMO, nostalgia, etc.) OR promising a desired result or clear USP (unique selling proposition).
- Open A Loop – Pique curiosity & incentivize your audience to read further.
- Target Your Audience – Make it crystal clear exactly who you are speaking to.
Alright, so now let’s take a look at the Posse’s submissions – along with my critique of them. These 6 ads were selected at random from the YouTube community!
We had a lot more participants – so big thank you to EVERYONE who participated in this exercise.
Keep participating and you never know when YOUR submission might be selected for critique.
Alright, now let’s take a look….
Posse Submission #1
“Why your to-do lists suck (and how to un-suck them)”
I LOVE this hook and think it’s such a great way to capture attention and then immediately open a loop.
“Let’s be real. Scribbling down tasks doesn’t mean you’ll actually do them. Your brain’s already zooming out before you even unclick the pen. But what if your to-do list worked for you instead of against you?”
Alright, so I like this too. They are relating to the audience’s pain here. “Your brain is already zooming out before you even unclick the pen.” Love that descriptive language. I wonder if there might be a better word instead of “zooming out”… Maybe “overwhelmed” or “checked out” or something that feels easier to understand.
“These 15 Asana secrets will turn your list into a weapon that fuels action – not empty checkboxes”
Again I am loving this descriptive copy… “fuels actions” and “not empty checkboxes”. Those are great benefits.
I was a little thrown off by “turn your list into a weapon” though – that language feels a little out of place to me. And then finally they end with “Un-suck your list now. Get shit done for real. Click here.”
Brilliant. I love that they tied the open loop from the beginning of the copy into the end with “un-suck your list now.”
I’m not sure “get shit done for real.” is necessary though. And the CTA of “Click here” is just okay.
I think “Learn more” would probably be more powerful.
Alright, next up…
Posse Submission #2
“Doom scrolling your to-do list?”
Ummmm. Yup. That’s a super relatable hook. Pretty sure EVERY human that has ever had a to-do list has done this.
“Optimate your task management with these 15 hacks so you can turn ‘to-do’ into ‘all-done’.”
This is good. A little wordy. We might be able to replace that “so you can” with just the word “and”. I’m also a little unclear if this was meant to be part of the body copy of the ad or that headline at the bottom.
But I think this would work well as part of the body, immediately after the hook. “Optimize your task management…” is a GREAT open loop. So I would definitely put that up at the top so people can read it without having to click “read more”.
I also love the before-after bridge this person is using: “turn to-do into all done”. That’s great. So the only thing that’s missing here is a Headline to put at the bottom of the ad.
And again, I think “Learn More” is the perfect CTA for this ad.
Alright, next up…
Posse Submission #3
“Tired of your to-do list feeling endless and unproductive? Let’s change that.”
Love this hook. Again, this is very relatable. “feeling endless” is exactly how I feel about my to-do list most days.
And I love how they opened a loop “let’s change that” – that communicates to the audience to keep reading, there’s something here that can help you.
“Discover 15 proven strategies to create a to-do list that actually gets things done – stress-free. Get started now!”
Okay, so I’m assuming they intended this part to be the Headline at the bottom of the ad. This copy is way too long and wordy to be used as the Headline.
When we’re talking about meta Ads, remember that you have strict character limits to work within.
The primary text, as Meta calls it, is your hook. It’s that first line of copy that your audience can read WITHOUT clicking the “read more” button. You have 125 characters for that.
The Headline you only have 40 characters.
What this person has written is 97 characters. So definitely too long. We need to shorten this Headline quite a bit.
I love that they added “stress-free” so maybe we could make this Headline into “15 strategies for a stress-free to-do list”
And we’ll keep the CTA “Get started”.
Alright, next up…
Posse Submission #4
“Ever wonder why to-do lists never work?”
Asking a question is one of the best ways to open a loop, so love that they’re utilizing that concept here.
However, just like the original ad, I would LOVE to get just a little bit more context here. This alone doesn’t really make me want to keep reading.
So this hook is leaving me wanting more…
“Try these 15 secret tricks that’ll make your to-do lists work like a productivity powerhouse.”
Again, I’m assuming this is meant to be the Headline at the bottom. And again, this is way too long. “Productivity powerhouse” is great.
So maybe we can change this headline into “15 secrets of a productivity powerhouse.” And they’re missing the CTA button here as well.
Alright, next up. Two more left…
Posse Submission #5
“Writing tasks down doesn’t mean they’ll get done.”
Okay, that’s not bad. They’re re-using the original ad hook and shortening it up a bit…
“Don’t let your list become a stack of missed deadlines.”
I LOVE this. That is powerful. No one wants a stack of missed deadlines.
I would use THIS as the opening line of copy and totally eliminate the first line altogether.
Then all they need is to add a short transition line of copy to open a loop and get the audience to keep reading…
They end with “Get 15 insider tips to make your to-do list unstoppable.” Okay, again we need to shorten this up a tiny bit.
I love the word “unstoppable” so let’s make this Headline “Make your to-do list unstoppable”.
Then we change this CTA to “Learn How” – that way it’s like a continuation of the headline and it flows nicely.
Alright, and the last posse submission…
Posse Submission #6
“Are you always writing down your to-do list but never getting through it?”
This is great. It’s very simple and also very clearly communicates the BIG problem this audience is facing…
“Here are 15 powerful secrets to creating a list that actually works. Let me show you how.”
Again, I love this…
I think this person may have written this to be the Headline and CTA but I think this would work so much better as part of the ad body.
That would make this ad a bit longer than the original. But I think this adds more context, communicates a promise, and opens a loop with the “let me show you how”.
The only thing I would caution about “let me show you how” is that we need to remember this copy for Asana – this is a brand, not a person.
So we would want to switch that “me” to an “us”. A minor difference, but it really matters.
Now all this person needs to add is a Headline 40 characters or less and a CTA like “Learn More”. And this ad would be ready to go!
Alright! And that’s it!
Everyone did such a great job on this exercise.
Now, if you want to play along in the next edition of “Make It Hotter”, be sure to follow me on social media – I post these exercises regularly on Instagram, LinkedIn, and on YouTube Community!
And don’t forget to grab a copy of my FREE H.O.T. Headline Guide – so you can learn exactly how to write headlines that grab attention and stop scrollers in their tracks – you can grab that now.
Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m Alex – ciao for now!
