Back in March 2016, my good friend, Connor Beaton, Founder of ManTalks, asked me to speak to a room of 120 people (mostly men) on the topic of power dynamics in relationships…
“Ummm, say what now? You mean you DON’T want me to talk about business, marketing, or copywriting? You want me to talk about RELATIONSHIPS?”
Oh boy. Needless to say, I accepted the challenge because I did have a lot to say on the subject, albeit completely from personal experience. As a successful woman and recovering control freak, it took me quite a few years (and many failed relationships) to realize that what had made me successful in business, might not be what makes me successful in relationships.
Light bulb moment: when it came to power dynamics, I was playing the same role in every area of my life and it was not serving me.
I had viewed power as an absolute. A necessity. Something I needed to be successful, period. In business this seemed to serve me well, but I’ll give you one guess as to how it was showing up in my love life. Um, yeah…
I wanted more than anything to meet my match. To be 1/2 of the power couple we’ve all heard about, yet I kept attracting the “wrong” kind of guy. The guy who wouldn’t speak his desires, the guy who wouldn’t take control, the guy who would let me walk all over him. I’d end up bored, annoyed, and restless… and, ultimately, single (no surprise there). Time and time again.
I really thought that if I was going to meet my match, it would have to be someone more powerful, more successful, and more dominant than me. Boy was I wrong.
As soon as I understood that power was not an absolute, but an ebb and flow, where sometimes being in control is good and sometimes stepping back is even better, it happened…
I started attracting the type of guy I had wanted all along and (NEWSFLASH) it had very little to do with them and A LOT to do with me.
Taking responsibility for WHO and WHAT I was attracting in my relationships was a HUGE pill to swallow…
But it was also incredibly empowering and relieving to know I had the ability to change what wasn’t working. Because here’s the thing about power dynamics…
It’s not a, “set it and forget it” kind of thing. It’s an ever-changing dynamic and can be challenging to master. So, in a humble attempt to explain this dynamic with mere words (it’s like trying to talk someone through salsa dancing), here is the video of the talk I gave at ManTalks:
– AC
